Hey, Mac! Britney can't stay married Furlong

Britney Spears got married. That crazy bitch. Five minute ceremony, intimate locale and a tiara instead of a trucker hat. It's a proud day for the sanctity of marriage. Yes, if gay couples were allowed to tie the knot, they'd certainly destroy the very thread that runs through this hallowed sacrament.

Too bad Edward Furlong wasn't invited: He was arrested Sept. 15 for allegedly attempting to lift lobsters from a tank at a Kentucky Meijer store. Furlong was reportedly very drunk, which made both the lobsters and hanging out in Kentucky seem like good ideas. But if he'd read his invite to fellow child star Britney's wedding carefully, he would have known that crab cakes were have been available in abundance. I guess those Terminator 2 residuals aren't as good as one would be led to believe.

Macaulay Culkin also was arrested last week, on Sept. 17. Pulled over for speeding on an Oklahoma City highway, Mac was found with 17.3 grams of marijuana and prescription drugs minus the prescriptions.

Three once-promising -- or at least wildly rich -- child stars cut down in their prime. Okay, post-prime.

And now .... a haiku. (Because when I began writing this entry, I truly believed I'd come up with an inventive and clever way to tie these three together but then I began a self-flagellation process because I'm writing about celebrities instead of things that truly matter like former cokeheads who became president...)

Britney and Kevin
hitched; Macaulay and Ed nailed.
I fear for Hanson.

MmmBop and I'm out...